Living with cancer—Live each day as if it’s your last.
If you’ve been reading my blog at all you know that my husband and I have had a very difficult year. After having some melanoma removed in fall of last year, we thought we were done with cancer but it seemed that cancer wasn’t done with us. In February, his doctor found that he had lymphoma and our whole year changed in that moment. The rest of the spring and my whole summer break from school was spent in waiting rooms, chemo infusion rooms, ERs, ICUs and hospital rooms. There would be CT scans, PET/CT scans, MRIs, X-Rays and so many blood draws my man often thought he was being mistaken for a pincushion!
But we got through the summer and I was actually pretty happy when school started up again to give me a change of scenery. In early September, we had our open house at school with all the parents. It was a very successful night. When I got home at about 9PM, my man was waiting for me. We chatted more about my exciting night and then I asked him about his doctor appointment earlier that day. It sounded normal at first but suddenly he said: “My doctor told me I may only have a year left.” It took me several days to digest this news. I am not a cry baby at all but this had had me tearing up for a few days in a row. I just held him and told him over and over “I don’t want you to die!” I know it’s a silly thing to say but that’s all that would come out. Well, along with my tears and mascara which by now were all over his shirt.
In October, we went to see his doctor again. After two different types of chemo and one radiation proved to be ineffective, his doctor said he may only have 3 months to half a year left at this point. I think he was feeling about as frustrated as we did. This particular cancer is super rare and they really just didn’t know what exactly to do with it. Of course that didn’t make us feel any better and I just couldn’t wrap my mind around this news. For the next several days after that, the waterworks continued to come back over and over. And there went some more of my husband’s shirts. I just couldn’t imagine my man may not be able to see this Christmas, but if he does, at least I now knew what to get him! Shirts.
And now over these last few weeks, the tumor came back very quickly again. It pushes against the vein on his neck and made his blood pressure either super low or super high. Last week Monday, just before we went to see his doctor again to start the 3rd type of chemo, he yelled “New record!” His blood pressure was 222 over 136. After we told his doctor about the blood pressure reading he now worried that my husband may get a stroke at any time. And if it happens, they have to stop all the treatments and that is it. I asked if it happens what I can do to save him. The doctor said “Just give him a hug and kiss.” Just when I thought I was finally drying out, here come my tears again. There were too many people in the room this time so I used a box of tissues and left his shirt alone.
The time with my man has been shortened again and again. But the love between us has never been greater. He is the toughest guy and he is still trying to take care of me every day. We are both so happy we found each other and, even with the trouble, continue having so many good times together. In our house, there is always laughter. Although sometimes mixed with tears and another shirt in the hamper. Everybody knows the saying: “Live each day as if it’s your last.” We are doing it every day. It is not because we are brave or strong, just because we choose to live the fullest every day while we still can breathe. Life is too short and we have no time to regret!
The new chemo seems to be working at this moment and his tumor is getting much smaller. That means he is stroke danger free for a while at least. Things have been known to change pretty quickly but right now, we think he will be spending Christmas with us this year no problem. Which means I’ve got some shopping to do! He has lost a lot of weight so I’d better be looking at some smaller shirts! 🙂
I know today is Black Friday and here is my favorite Shopbop sale! It is on now through Monday 28th November.
I already ordered a bunch of the things that I have had my eyes on for a LONG time. What exactly have I ordered? This Prada Round Sunglasses, See by Chloe Large Paige Bag and Levi’s 721 High Rise Distressed Skinny Jeans. Things are sold out so quickly there so you’d better hurry up! 😉
Shop my look below!
All videos and photos if not credited otherwise, are by Robert Buck and Grace Liang.
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