Life after Loss—Conquering Grief and Finding Hope
It has been two weeks since my husband passed away. You can read my FB post here if you haven’t seen it. My step-daughter Ashley did a great job on the obituary.
I intentionally avoided talking about my family in order to protect them. But now, I think it is the time to let more people know about my husband and how amazing he is. Below is the post my step-son Bobby wrote:
“As many of you may or may not realize I never really post. I like to make them count I guess.
Today my dad passed away. He just put up a year long fight with Double-Hit Lymphoma. From what I’ve seen it’s one of, if not the most, aggressive and difficult Lymphatic Cancers we know of.
While it is one of the saddest days of my life and we exchanged no words today, he has caused every one of my many laughs I’ve had today. He was a strong, smart, and funny guy. He had a joke, appropriate or otherwise, for everything. He always had an answer too. But he would want us to celebrate his life, not be sad at his passing. So from here on out I’ll do my best to only shed tears from laughing at his jokes and memories. Next time any of you have a drink or a barbeque tell a joke in his honor and raise a small toast.
Dad, I’ll think back fondly at our time together, my nearly 30 years was far too short to lose you, but I’ve had so many good memories that you will never truly be gone. You’ll be with me for every episode of Star Trek, James Bond movie, and read through of Lord of the Rings, you’re in every Ford Focus, Dodge Challenger, and every other car you helped design. I am who I am because of you and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I miss you and love you dad. See you around, baldy.”
And below is the post from my step-daughter Ashley.
“For those of you who don’t know, my Dad has been fighting a very rare aggressive form of lymphoma for the past year. It is something he wanted to keep private so I have respected his wishes by keeping it off of Facebook. The prognosis was not good. Most people do not make it beyond 6 months after diagnosis. He made it nearly 1 year.
My Dad was/is one of the best, most positive, funny people I know. Rather than sit back and take it, he put up a very impressive fight. Over 10 types of chemo and so many rounds I lost track. Plus multiple rounds of radiation and countless hospital stays. Most people would have given up, but every time it was suggested, he was postive that was not how this would end. Each treatment stopped working in time, but rather than giving up, he asked what was next. Through everything he never lost his positivity, humor, sarcasm, wit and enthusiasm to live.
He was determined to beat it and gave it hell. We have tried to make light of it and when he had to get a walker I blinged it out for him immediately, including flashing lights and a bell. If you can’t laugh, you have nothing. Cancer can take a lot of things from the people it touches, and I’m glad his wit, humor, and postive outlook were with him till the end.
Today I lost my Dad just before 2 PM. It feels surreal and wrong. I’m pretty sure I’m still in shock. There’s no way this can be happening, but I know deep down it is. Like he’s going to text me and be like “just kidding.” It’s something we knew was a real possibility, but never seemed real. I’m happy with how much time I’ve spent with him over the past year and have no regrets. I’m proud of how we all handled it together. We will get through it, it will suck, but I promised him we’d all be fine and that is one promise I will keep. I love you Dad Robert Buck, and always will. I’m sorry I didn’t say it more, even though I know you knew so without me saying it. I hope where ever you are, you’re giving them hell. ”
It has been super difficult, but my family and I are doing pretty well as you can see here. We still eat, drink and play card games. Just like the obituary said, we are honoring him by picking ourselves up and enjoying our lives again, even though now it is without him. We can’t see him anymore, but he is right here in our hearts and will continue to live through us.
Today is officially the first day I am back to the blogging world. I will start a ‘Life after Loss’ series every Monday on my blog. See you then!
All videos and photos if not credited otherwise, are by Robert Buck and Grace Liang.
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