Life After Loss – From We to I
A few days ago, during lunch break at work, we were talking about our upcoming Spring break and everyone’s plans. When I told them about my first vacation by myself, I kept using WE. I finally noticed the confusion after a co-worker asked me if I am going with a friend.
I did the same thing many years ago right after my husband and I got married, but back then I had a hard time to say WE instead of I. Now it is the total opposite.
It doesn’t matter if I like it or not, I am doing things, making decisions by myself and creating some new memories without my husband. But in a way, he is always there with me whatever I am doing.
I say good morning to him everyday and I can clearly see him in my head. On weekdays, he always got up 15 minutes before I do to cook breakfast for us, and pack snacks for me. Then he kissed me and woke me up. On weekends, we loved to stay up late to catch up on some of our favorite TV shows. So sleeping in was a must have for us. 😉 He usually pretended to still be sleeping when I woke up. I would pinch his nose and call him lazy bones in Chinese. He would say “You are a big lazy bones” in Chinese back to me. This is one of a few of the Chinese sentences that he knew how to say very well. We loved to spoil each other and we were never tired of those same old jokes.
When I get home every day now, I still say “I am home!” while I walk in to the kitchen. I can hear him saying “Welcome home! How is your day?” in my head. I also say good night to him too. My shoulders still remember the snuggled feeling from his big and warm hug……
I am clearly seeing his influence in my life now. Every decision I made after he passed away, his idea and opinion was considered – from what to eat for dinner, to where to go for a vacation. We WERE each other. He took half of my life with him when he passed away. But he also left half of him with me. I am still a whole person, just with a broken heart. He never broke my heart, his departure did. But he had fought so hard to stay with me longer. Now, I am starting to feel his love is healing my wounds.
Photo credits: Ashley Buck.
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Meet our co-host Rania from The Wardrobe Stylist
Branding herself The Wardrobe Stylist, Rania began styling and blogging nearly a decade ago. She worked with a long list of clients and as a blogger, she covered several coveted events. She recently launched the Reversible Pocket Square. Made from 2 distinct fabrics, the reversible pocket square takes a modern and innovative shift on the age old accessory, allowing the wearer to choose which side to showcase or have both sides conveniently peak through.
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