Life After Loss – Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

Life After Loss – Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

Two weekends ago, when my step-daughter visited me, we were talking about our grieving process and we both couldn’t help but cry for a while. We were so tried and both mentioned we have started to feel depressed.

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

This grieving process is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. I thought since it has been 3 months that I should be doing better. But the fact is, this process is not a straight line. It is more like one step forward and then two steps backwards. I think the first 3 months I was in shock. Now the reality finally has set in and I started to accept my man is really gone, forever.

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

One day, I started to cry right after I stepped into my kitchen from the garage. I cried for a long time, used a whole box of tissue and talked to my husband’s ashes for more than an hour. I finally figured out why I was crying. I am doing way too much and I am just sooooo tired. I get up at 5:30 am everyday and then get home at about 5 or 6 pm from my teaching job. Then I spend every minute I can building my blogging career. My weekends are always over booked for photo shoots or fashion events. I also need to cook, clean, and do some yard work…I was already very tired when I had my husband to share the work. Now it is just me and I am trying to keep up the same standards. Maybe sometimes even higher standards. I know, I am too crazy and too hard on myself.

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

I noticed I’m constantly forgetting things and get distracted very easily. My energy level is quite low. I know I need to do something to save myself. The first thing I did is to educate myself by reading many articles online about the grieving process. Here are some things I have learned that have helped me get moving on the right track:

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

1. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried

It is easy to bury the pain or ignore it. But trying to ignore the pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. Talking about your feelings is part of the process of healing. I am lucky to have my family and friends to talk to. I also have my blog as my outlet for this purpose.

2. There is no need to fight everything and try to be brave.

Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or yourself by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them heal too. My family are not big fans of talking, I know I have to be the one starting the conversations and checking on everyone.

3. Give yourself time and space to grieve.

The grieving work takes a lot of out of the body and the mind. Cut down from your normal schedule and find some time to relax. I am trying very hard to balance my full time job, my blogging, and my grieving. I still can’t find as much time as I hoped to relax but I have learned to move some work into a later date. The world will not end if I don’t do something I planned to do. 😉

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

Photos credited: Ashley Buck.

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Grace

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5 thoughts on “Life After Loss – Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal”

  1. Grace, I am so impressed with your progress. And you are completely on the right track. You cannot go around your grief. The only way to get to the other side of grief is to go directly through it. No matter how hard it is. You will get there in your time and in your own way. Continuing to pray for your healing, my friend.

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

  2. I’m new here. I’m so sorry for you’re loss. Time is suppose to heal. Don’t know if you pray. But that might help.

  3. I think it’s so important to go with what you feel. Whether it’s a sad moment or day or you feel free and happy. Go with the emotions and you giving yourself time to feel all those emotions is healthy. I think if you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know how you can work your way out of that then seek professional help. You have been through a lot and I don’t imagine anyone thinking 3 months is enough time to grieve.

    http://www.mylittlenest.or

    http://www.mylittlenest.org

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