Life After Loss – My Husband’s First Birthday After He Passed Away
Special days bring so much pain to those who have lost their loved ones. Last Sunday was my husband’s first birthday since he passed away. I started having a super difficult time about a week beforehand. A couple of days before his birthday, my emotions took over completely and I was crying the whole way home from work when I was driving. It was rainy and there was bad traffic, I knew it was dangerous, but I just couldn’t hold it in or control it anymore.
Based on my 4 month grieving experience, I know I need to find a way to save myself before I go too far into depression. So I had a few morning pep talks on the way to work, but those only cheered me up for a short time.I have tried many things that worked for me before, but somehow this time it just couldn’t fix it. I really miss him so I went on to his Facebook. I was crying even harder when I started to read. But later on, I started to laugh, louder and louder. Yes!!! That was my man.
“Some quality hammock time on the last Friday in August. Oh yes I did!”
May 28th 2016, last year on his birthday. The first type of chemo had just failed and the tumors came back crazy fast and big.
“Thanks very much for all the birthday wishes! I’m in such a good mood I’m giving you all Monday off, with pay! 😃”
“I read this is National Beer Day. I’m a sucker for tradition!”
“Well he doesn’t shed and I haven’t heard him make any noise. I guess there’s worse pets.”
“Just in case you weren’t sure how to vacation I thought I’d help you out!”
All of those were posted after we found out about his cancer or during his difficult treatments.
My step-daughter booked us a camping trip last year before he passed away to celebrate my husband’s birthday this year. We all came but we barely mentioned him when we were at the campground. Everybody has had a few hard days so we just enjoyed each other’s company. We had a delicious camp fire dinner, walked in the rain, ate s’mores, and played Uno. There was a short toast and we shared a bottle of wine. Just like the good old days.
The next day was Memorial Day. My father-in-law and brother-in-law were the co-grand marshalls for the parade, both are military veterans. Our big family all came to support them as well. While listening to the speech, I was thinking of my husband. He is my hero too. He had kept his positive spirit all the way to the end. He never had even one tear during this whole journey. He had left so much for us. Yes, I am super sad. He was too. But he chose to really enjoy every minute his life had left. So should I!
On the way back home I discarded my GPS and went on some back roads which I never have been on before. There were many lakes and beautiful houses along the way. My smile was getting bigger and bigger. I suddenly noticed that I love driving on the winding road, it is so fun! Now I think I really understand why my husband always loved to travel. It is pretty cool to get lost in a totally strange place and just enjoy the unfamiliar scenery. Life is good again and I will remember to enjoy every little thing that makes me happy.
Happy birthday man and thank you very much for saving me again!
Photos credited: Ashley Buck.
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