Life After Loss Opening Up To A New Chapter Of My Life
When two people really love each other, there will not be any topics that are not touchable. Before my late husband passed away, we had covered so many things that I needed his input and help with. One of them was about my love life in the future.
I still remember that day. We came back from my late husband’s hospital and his doctor just gave us a new estimate for how many days of his life were left. It was just getting shorter and shorter after every chemo or radiation failed. We were holding hands and sitting in our usual spots on our conversation couch. I was crying and he was trying to calm me down. I don’t remember what exactly he said but he made me laugh with tears in my eyes. He always had the ability to make me laugh. I was looking at him and said “You are a jerk! Where can I find a great husband like you again?” He was smiling at me and said “You are right. You probably will not find a guy like me. But, you will find a different love.”
Before my dad passed away many years ago, he told my mom “Don’t marry again because you are my woman.” Before my man passed away, he told me “I hope someone will love you as much as I did. You are the best wife and you deserve to be happy.” What a difference! It felt so good that my man gave me permission to enjoy my life even after he is gone.
Although many people have asked me when I will start to date, I had never really thought about it until last month. Before our marriage, I had never went out with a man other than my husband in America. My man was the only American guy I have ever dated, so I have no clue about how to date in this country. In fact, I am very rusty about dating period. I talked to a few friends about it, but I quickly ran away from this topic because talking about it was already making me sad. I was crying and telling myself that I am very happy being single for now.
After hiding in myself for a while, I realized that I do want to love and be loved again. The pure love and happy marriage I had with my man were just too good to give up. But the idea of dating is very scary. I have heard so many horrible stories about dating some weirdo or jerks from my single friends. On another hand, what if my family become upset and think I am dating too early?
Luckily I received blessings from a few family members and a lot of support from my friends and even fans. It is totally out of my control when I can find or meet another true love, or soulmate, again. 3 years, 5 years, or maybe the rest of my life. But I am not going to settle until I find the right one. I waited for 30 years to meet my late husband, I am ok to wait again. Most people may believe the chance of finding a soulmate twice in a lifetime is almost zero. But I look at it this way – I have seen what true love looks like, so I am more experienced to find it/build it again. 😉 I am ready to open myself up to a new chapter of my life. It’s scary, but exciting at the same time. I will be very careful, but I know I may still get hurt until I find that one person that will never make me guess, doubt, be upset, or sad. Good luck for me and anyone out there who is re entering the dating world.
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Photo credit: Grace Liang/Ashley Buck
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