Category Archives: Life after Loss

Life After Loss – Feeling Loved

Life After Loss – Feeling Loved

A few weeks ago in the morning on the way to work, the car in front of me caught my attention. I couldn’t see who was in the passenger seat, but what I could see was the guy on the driver’s seat trying to adjust the sun visor of the passenger side to block the morning sun. He did it a few times and kept turning right to check if it needed more adjustment.

Life after loss feel loved

I was smiling and tearing up the same time. I smiled because I saw love, a lot of deep love in that small action. It shows how much he deeply cares about the person in the passenger seat. He wanted to make sure that person was comfortable and happy. It got me wondering, who was that lucky person. His wife? His kid? His parents? Or maybe his dog?

Life after loss feel loved

I was tearing up because my husband used to do this for me all the time. We took some long road trips almost every year. Somehow the car ride always made me sleepy. I usually kick the seat back and just take a nap. My man always switched the music to the spa channel to help me relax. He would also adjust the sun visor if the sun was on my eyes. Sometimes he even added on a map or newspaper to the sun visor to create a bigger shadow for me. Love is all in those little tiny details, right?

Life after loss feel loved

Yes, everyday I miss my man’s love terribly. This grieving journey has been very painful and difficult, but at the same time it is also enlightening. It made me look at the world with a little different point of view. For example, I started to notice there are more different types of love in my life now, and I still feel loved even without my husband.

Life after loss feel loved

You may have already read a lot about my awesome step-daughter and her fiancé in my previous posts. The departure of my husband didn’t cut off our connection, instead it strengthened our bonding as a family. Last weekend, they came in and put 4 yards of mulch in my yard again, even working through the rain. My school and my co-workers are super supportive too. I always feel safe and comfortable talking to anyone about work or personal problems. Some of them even became my photographer to help me with my blog photos.

Life after loss feel loved

Even my students adore me very much! Just like my man, my students think my Chinese accent is quite cute. 😉 They often trick me into saying words like ‘Vowel’ or ‘further.’ After I say those words, they will all say “It is so cute!” Lol. I guess when someone really loves you, even the flaws are cute. 😉 Most of my 8th graders refer me as their “School Mom”. Last Sunday I even went out with one of my former students for lunch. She is already in her 3rd year of collage and became a entrepreneur. She used to say I was her second mom too.

Life after loss feel loved

I also receive so many nice comments on my blog and social media posts everyday. I know everyone is super busy with their own life, but they make time to read my posts and also leave very long and thoughtful comments. That means so much to me. Especially those ‘Friends’ who I’ve never met before in real life and maybe we will never meet in this life time. But they are always there, for me.

Life after loss feel loved

It has been 4 months since my husband passed away. Every time when I feel lost, confused and don’t know how I can go through this, the unconditional love from all of the people in my life, remind me how lucky I am. Their love has always lifted me up! Thank you everyone! I am for sure feeling loved.

Life after loss feel loved

Photos credited: Ashley Buck.

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follower me on FaceBook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you, of course don’t forget to check out my Instagram story daily to know me better as a person. Finally don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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Life After Loss – Mother’s day

Life After Loss – Mother’s Day

Several weeks before my husband passed away, we came home with a new estimate for how much time was left for my man. The estimates were just getting shorter and shorter. I was trying very hard to be normal, but seeing how hard eating became for him (one of his favorite activities) and especially after he threw up following some food, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. I just repeated “I don’t want you to die.” My man was hugging me and telling me “You will be fine. It will be very difficult, but you will be fine.” I was highly doubting this, and said “You don’t understand, I can’t live without you. I will just kill myself.” My husband held my head up and looked into my eyes “Have you ever thought about how Ashley (My step-daughter) will feel if you kill yourself? How devastated she will be?”

Life after loss the Mother's day

I suddenly calmed down and woke up from my anger and selfishness. He was right. It doesn’t matter what happens, as long as I am still here, this is still the home for my family. I have a responsibility to take care of them for my man, and for myself.

Life after loss the Mother's day

This is partially because my family has been taking very good care of me since the first day I came to America. I am lucky enough to get to celebrate Mother’s Day too, even if I don’t have my own kids. Ashley and her fiancé (who has been around almost as long as I have) always bring a card, flowers, and a gift. This year, they secretly came to my house, pulled weeds and put down 4 yards of mulch into my garden while I was out. When I came home they were almost done. They also brought me a very cute hanging strawberry pot too. They know how much I love gardening.

Life after loss the Mother's day

There are a lot of times I feel guilty because I don’t feel I deserve it. When I came to this family, Ashley had already graduated from college and my step-son had already finished his first year of college. I haven’t changed a single diaper and now I am getting the benefit of being a mother figure in our family. My man used to say “They may never call you mom, but you are the mom for them because they know you are taking care of them and you are here for them.”

Life after loss the Mother's day

This past Mother’s Day morning, I received an unpleasant comment on my Facebook post. A lady said I don’t really miss my husband, I just miss a maid and complained about how much work I have to do now without him. To be honest with you, I knew these types of comments would eventually happen since I put myself out there in the public, but it still hurt when I read those cold hearted words. I told Ashley about the comment and she was quite angry. She looked into that lady’s profile and asked if she could respond to that lady. Her fiancé even jokingly asked where she lived. Of course, I told them there was no need to get into an argument over online comments, but their response felt so good because they are willing to protect me and fight for me.

Life after loss the Mother's day

There were quite a few people who asked me if I will move back to China after my husband passed away. Each time I heard it I was wondering why they were asking me this weird question. Later, I realized that they know I came to America to marry my husband. Now that he is gone, they felt there would be no purpose for me to stay in a foreign country anymore. But what they didn’t know was my husband did not just give me unconditional true love, but also he gave me a family here, and for them I will stay.

Life after loss the Mother's day

Photos credited: Ashley Buck.

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follower me on FaceBook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you, of course don’t forget to check out my Instagram story daily to know me better as a person. Finally don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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