Category Archives: Life after Loss

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No More

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No More

The past Monday marked 8 months since my late husband passed away. I didn’t cry like the previous 7 months. I decided to just take it as a normal day. I have been under the weather for more than a week and that day I finally felt better, with more energy. That morning on the way to work, I suddenly felt happy because I realized that I may have just pushed through a big step of grieving, I started to feel acceptance.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

When we were dating many years ago, he was in America and I was in China. The longest time we didn’t physically see each other was 8 months. But we did see each other every day on SKYPE for many hours. We celebrated his birthday, 4th of July, Labor Day and Thanksgiving over the internet. Even with a 12 hour time difference between us, we would still eat together, the only difference was for me it was breakfast and for him it was dinner. These last 8 months have been more difficult than those 8 months. There is no hope that he is coming back and I can’t see him even on the internet. He is totally gone without a return date.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

Over the last 8 months, I have pushed myself outside of my comfort zone quite often in order to heal myself. First, I created a lot of new memories by traveling to Hawaii and Paris alone. There were not any romantic stories from those trips just in case you are wondering. 😉 I even made a few new friends after he passed away and it is new for me that they are just my friends, not our friends. Those experiences helped me rediscover myself and I realized that I am very capable of conquering the world and being happy again without him.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

By the 6 month mark, I stopped wearing my wedding ring. The obvious fact is I don’t have a husband and I am not married. It was a very weird feeling to be without the ring and even now I still sometimes reach to that finger. It was a big change at that time and I needed a piece of him to be with me, so I wore my engagement ring and his ring that I gave to him on both of my hands. Those two rings provided the safety net I needed at that time.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

Then by month 8, I decided to wear no rings because I realized that I should not hide behind those symbols. I am not married, not engaged, and I don’t need to wear them to show how much I miss him or how much I love him. He is there in my heart, and there will be a place for him forever that no one can replace. To be honest with you, it is kind of scary to be at the beginning again, but I know he is always there for me. If I am sad or scared I still can reach to him in my mind.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

For me, the real acceptance is to not always look for him, lean on him mentally, and ask him to give me signs or come to my dreams. It means I need to count on myself to save my own day or make myself happy. Does it mean that I am ready to move on? I don’t think I am fully ready yet. I still think about him all the time. But I am finally eager to think about my own future. It is still not clear what I want, but it is a big jump that I started to plan my future without him. It will take a long time to come to complete acceptance and I am nowhere near there, but this status change forces myself to directly face this world, fail, cry and then really learn how to be independent again.

Life after loss feel loved

Just a side note, this Love bag in the photo above I got from Shopbop and now they are having a big sale. See the details below. Happy shopping!

You can read all Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here.

|SHOP MY LOOK:|

Photo credit: Grace Liang/Sam Sefton

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you. Of course, don’t forget to check out my Instagram stories daily to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

Life After Loss Finding Meaning And Hope To Live Alone

Life After Loss Finding Meaning And Hope To Live Alone

I am feeling very crappy at this moment due to a cold. It makes it more difficult to stay upbeat, but I am trying to fight back. My goal is no matter how the physical world changes around me, my inner emotional and spiritual world stays calm and happy.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

It has been almost 8 months since my man passed away. The first few months I was just trying to survive. Then I was in shock. What just happened? Is it real? Am I just in a nightmare now? Then it came to a point where I realized, oh, I am totally alone and no matter how long I cry, how loud I yell, or how much I beg, he is not coming back.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

If I had a choice, I would love to die before him so I don’t have to suffer the endless pain after he is gone. If I had a choice, I would grow older with him, with the only person who I truly felt was my soul mate. But the fact is, what I wish would happen are not the options I can pick from. The only choice for me now is to choose how to live alone.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

I had quite difficult early years, so I know how bad a persons life can be. I have also been very fortunate to spend the last 10 years with my man to live a normal but good life. After seeing both sides of life, and after going through both my dad and my husband passing away, I think I have found the meaning of my life. It is quite simple, just learn and practice to become the best of myself in this very short life time. I am navigating through the first year of grieving now, it is super hard but I enjoy victories every time I overcome some troubles alone in my life, or push myself out of my comfort zone to achieve a new level of self-confidence.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

Living alone after being happily married 10 years is not easy. I constantly look for him, reach out to him and talk to him. Last week after my late evening meetings with parents at school, I was reaching to my phone to send a text to let him know that I am leaving. Of course my hand just froze before I touched my phone because there is no one waiting for me. Those moments are usually very hard and often bring tears to my eyes. I’ve slowly learned to become a full person again who takes full responsibility for my own life, and my own happiness.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

My man taught me how to drive after I came to America. It was quite difficult and almost ended our marriage. 😉 But there is one thing always sticking in my mind – I was super nervous about driving and often ran outside of the lines on the road. He said “Look further, don’t always just look at what is close to you”. This trick sure helped me driving. I even find it is so true when it comes to dealing with life problems. When I am in my darkest times, I often tell myself, don’t just look at what is close to me, look further, there is still hope. After all the storms there will be rainbows, flowers, and all the beautiful dreams come true again. I don’t know when exactly it will happen, but I know I will make it happen eventually.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

You can read all Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here.

|SHOP MY LOOK:|

Photo credit: Grace Liang/Ashley Buck

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you. Of course, don’t forget to check out my Instagram stories daily to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...