Category Archives: Life after Loss

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

I hated cooking for myself when I was young and alone in Shanghai. I didn’t know how to cook either. Seriously, I lived on carryouts and leftovers. Most of the days, I would only eat two meals and some days it would be only one. When my late husband and I were dating, he came to Shanghai to visit me. I was trying to show him that I could be a good wife. So I bought a bag of frozen meals at the supermarket and cooked for him. Don’t ask details, just let me tell you that was the end of my cooking career. 😉 My man was a great cook and he promised that he would cook for us. 😉

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

I tried cooking again after I moved to America to marry my man. It started about a week after I arrived, I was seriously thinking that I would end up starving to death. At that time, I REALLY didn’t like any American food. This forced me to cook Chinese food. I guess many years of eating at restaurants had helped me develop some cooking sense. Surprisingly, my cooking turned out to be quite good. I never even knew I had it in me. I guess when I cooked with love, everything turned out to be great.

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

Cooking for us, for our family and friends, is some of the warmest memories the last 10 years. My late husband loved my Chinese cooking and he was very proud of me for becoming a great cook. When I first heard the saying “Cook up a storm” I was laughing so hard because that was totally my type of cooking. Usually after I cooked, our kitchen was a disaster… dirty pots and pans everywhere, the stove top covered with oil, spices and pieces of food. 😉 Hey, I said I cooked well, I said nothing about cleaning.

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

My man was the biggest fan of my cooking. I never follow any recipes and just cook whatever I can find in our house. He was often amazed by that. I loved watching him eating the food I cooked. His satified face and joyful eyes made me super happy. We often spent hours during dinner talking about our days, our thoughts or just some silly stories.

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

But now, I lost my best audience. The first 4 months after he passed away, I was living on carryouts and leftovers again. If you have never lived alone, you probably will not understand that feeding yourself may be a challenge. When it’s just you eating, there’s a greater tendency of not bothering to cook because it feels like it just isn’t worth it. Cooking for 30 to 45 minutes, eating for 30 minutes and then cleaning up for 15 minutes. That totals about one and a half hours! For that much time, I could write a blog post or reply to some emails.

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

That was the old me of thinking. If you have read my last post Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me you will know that I am all into living in the present and making every day a joyful experience. So eating 3 meals and eating healthy has become my top priority. Below are some of my recent cooked meals. I have tried many western recipes recently.

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

Cooking for others, for your loved ones, is pure joy. Cooking for yourself, is where the true self-love begins.

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

Life After Loss Cooking For Myself

You can read all Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here.

Photos credited: Grace Liang/ @yasballo

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you. Of course, don’t forget to check out my Instagram stories daily to get to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

When I was young, I never thought about death because it just seemed so far, far away. Then my Dad passed away when I was in my last year of high school. This year my husband passed away. These deaths of my loved ones were like a wake up call, and have certainly changed and shaped my life in many different ways, but today I want to talk about my own near death experience.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

No, I am not dying, at least not to my knowledge, but I almost died one month ago.

The day after I came back from Paris, it was about 90 degrees and my pool was all fixed up and looking amazing. The solo trip had given me so much confidence and I felt that there was nothing I could not handle. So, I went swimming by myself. I don’t really know how to swim. I know the basic strokes, but I had to put my head under the water, holding my breath to swim. As you can imagine, at some point I need to stand up and poke my head out of the water to breathe.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

My late husband bought me a few diving toys to help me practice so I threw them into the shallow end of the pool, just like we used to do. The water was a little chilly, but felt pretty good. I did a little bit of a warm up and then swam from the shallow end to the deep end (it is about 8 or 9 feet deep in the deep end). I can open my eyes when swimming no problem, so I grabbed the edge of the deep end to stop myself and then poked my head out to breathe.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

I was a little bit out of breathe, but I was feeling quite good. After a short break, I swam back to the shallow end. By that time, all the diving toys were slowly moving to the deep end, and I knew there was no way I could dive that deep to get them out. So, I dove to the middle section of the pool to rescue them before they went too far. I picked up one and then tried to pick up the second one. I suddenly lost my balance and felt as I was pulled into the deeper end.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

I am only 5 feet tall, so I was completely under the water. I saw a beautiful blue sky and the air bubbles from my mouth through a few feet of water above me. I needed to land somewhere so I could position myself to start the strokes. So I stopped panicking, struggling, and moving and just stayed still. My toes felt the bottom of the pool, but it was not enough to kick myself up and poke my head out of the water. My legs and arms were moving very fast, but I was going no where. “This is not a joke, not a dream, I may die today in my own backyard.” This thought so vividly went through to my mind.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

I continued struggling under the water. Somehow I turned my head and I saw 3 small stairs on the wall. I suddenly remembered them there for the diving board that used to be on the pool, but it was still quite far from me. I used all my strength to paddle and finally after a while I reached the lowest step. When I finally poked my head out of the water, I realized how good it felt to be able to breath again.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

After a hot shower, I felt better. When I was drying myself, I patted my belly and said “I almost lost you today. I need to take care of you better from now on.” That was the true awakening moment for me. Of course, along the way of losing loved ones I already knew what I should do, but I was so focused on the finish line that I failed to find the joy in the journey. Since that next day, I have been cooking myself healthy meals everyday. I make sure to eat 3 meals a day and don’t stay up late. I even started my gym journey to get more healthy. I also spent more time with family and friends. I even discovered that I REALY love people. Lol. I love talking to others, even strangers and listening to their stories.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

So, what has death taught me? I think I finally understand how to live in the present and simply enjoy what I have at this moment in my life – a sunny day, my beautiful gardens, a beautiful song, good food, good company and a good time. You may ask, what about your fashion dreams? I do enjoy my blogging, but I am not going to kill my health anymore like I always do to chase after it, because life showed me, every breath could be my last one.

Life After Loss What Death Has Taught Me

You can read all Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here.

Photos credited: Grace Liang/Yun Bai

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you. Of course, don’t forget to check out my Instagram stories daily to get to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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