Tag Archives: Life after Loss

Life After Loss Finding Meaning And Hope To Live Alone

Life After Loss Finding Meaning And Hope To Live Alone

I am feeling very crappy at this moment due to a cold. It makes it more difficult to stay upbeat, but I am trying to fight back. My goal is no matter how the physical world changes around me, my inner emotional and spiritual world stays calm and happy.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

It has been almost 8 months since my man passed away. The first few months I was just trying to survive. Then I was in shock. What just happened? Is it real? Am I just in a nightmare now? Then it came to a point where I realized, oh, I am totally alone and no matter how long I cry, how loud I yell, or how much I beg, he is not coming back.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

If I had a choice, I would love to die before him so I don’t have to suffer the endless pain after he is gone. If I had a choice, I would grow older with him, with the only person who I truly felt was my soul mate. But the fact is, what I wish would happen are not the options I can pick from. The only choice for me now is to choose how to live alone.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

I had quite difficult early years, so I know how bad a persons life can be. I have also been very fortunate to spend the last 10 years with my man to live a normal but good life. After seeing both sides of life, and after going through both my dad and my husband passing away, I think I have found the meaning of my life. It is quite simple, just learn and practice to become the best of myself in this very short life time. I am navigating through the first year of grieving now, it is super hard but I enjoy victories every time I overcome some troubles alone in my life, or push myself out of my comfort zone to achieve a new level of self-confidence.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

Living alone after being happily married 10 years is not easy. I constantly look for him, reach out to him and talk to him. Last week after my late evening meetings with parents at school, I was reaching to my phone to send a text to let him know that I am leaving. Of course my hand just froze before I touched my phone because there is no one waiting for me. Those moments are usually very hard and often bring tears to my eyes. I’ve slowly learned to become a full person again who takes full responsibility for my own life, and my own happiness.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

My man taught me how to drive after I came to America. It was quite difficult and almost ended our marriage. 😉 But there is one thing always sticking in my mind – I was super nervous about driving and often ran outside of the lines on the road. He said “Look further, don’t always just look at what is close to you”. This trick sure helped me driving. I even find it is so true when it comes to dealing with life problems. When I am in my darkest times, I often tell myself, don’t just look at what is close to me, look further, there is still hope. After all the storms there will be rainbows, flowers, and all the beautiful dreams come true again. I don’t know when exactly it will happen, but I know I will make it happen eventually.

Life After Loss Finding Meanings And Hopes To Live Alone

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Photo credit: Grace Liang/Ashley Buck

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you. Of course, don’t forget to check out my Instagram stories daily to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

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Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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Life After Loss Love Is In Small Things

Life After Loss Love Is In Small Things

Everyone who has ever known my late husband and I know how much we love each other. So I often receive questions like “How do you know if a man really loves you?” I am not a relationship expert, but I do believe love is in the small things.

Life After Loss Love Is In Small Things

Many years ago we were quite poor so we dined out very rarely. My man and I are both are foodies. We often talked about the delicious food we tasted when we traveled around the world. One day, my man came home from work with a leftover box. He couldn’t wait to show me what was inside. I opened it up and it was risotto!!! It is one of my favorite foods! Since we traveled to Italy, I had been craving for it for a long time. My man told me he had a work meeting with some customers and they took him for lunch. He was very happy when he saw the risotto on the menu. “Did you order two of them?” I knew he loves it very much too. “No, but I had some and here are yours.” Several years later, when my man took me to that same restaurant, I noticed how small the portion of the risotto is and I suddenly realized that he maybe only had one or two bites of the risotto that day. It turned out he only ate the side salad and saved the whole risotto for me. He said “I love seeing you happy and enjoying your favorite food!”

Life After Loss Love Is In Small Things

When I was in middle school, my older brother once taught me to ride a motorcycle. I was doing quite well at the beginning, but when we were on the real busy road I panicked. My brother had to jump over to stop me from hitting others. I didn’t kill anyone, but after that I was quite afraid to operate any moving vehicles. In 2008 I decided to get my teaching certificate so I enrolled in a one year evening program at our local university. At that time, I had just passed my driving test and got my license. My late husband worked very far from our house. Every day he drove 100 miles round trip to work. He knew how much I hated driving, so he planned his work ahead so he could go home a little early to drive me to my college. It was another two hour round trip drive for him. When I was in the class, he went out to find some food and bring it back to me when I was on my break. We sat outside of the classroom eating our dinner together. After that, he just waited till my class ended and then took me home. Two times a week and it lasted the whole year. He was never late or complained about how much trouble I caused. He said “I am very proud of you because you work so hard and I am very happy to be here with you.”

Life After Loss Love Is In Small Things

My man often told me that he loved taking care of me. He said he felt good when he could. Everything he did for me, he never thought they were burdens, he took them as joys. He was not just good at saying how much he loved me, he really was good at showing his love by actions.

Life After Loss Love Is In Small Things

Love is all in the small things. Those small things can show if you are important to him.

Life After Loss Love Is In Small Things

You can read all Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here.

Life After Loss Love Is In Small Things

|SHOP MY LOOK:|

Photo credit: Grace Liang/Ashley Buck

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you. Of course, don’t forget to check out my Instagram stories daily to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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