Tag Archives: Life after Loss

Life After Loss – Ten Years in America

Life After Loss – Ten Years in America

April 19th – it is just a normal day for most of you, but for me, it is a life changing date that I probably will remember forever. Ten years ago, on that day, I came to America and started my new life in Michigan. When I stepped out of the airport, I was shocked. I couldn’t read any signs on the road and I couldn’t understand anything others were saying. I was totally lost. But I knew I had my man and he would be my bridge to this whole new world. As long as I had him, I was not afraid.

Life after loss ten years in America

My man and I met in Shanghai. I knew no English and he only could say “hi,” “goodbye,” “thank you,” and “beer” in Chinese (this may or may not be an improvement over my stepdaughter who to this day knows “melon”, “watermelon,” “cantaloupe,” and “hi”). Through body language and a handy dictionary, we felt we had known each other for our whole lives. We knew what each other was thinking and we were always so happy to be together. So 10 years ago, I gave up my family, my career, my friends, and my life in Shanghai and came here to marry my man. But now he was gone. As you can imagine, I was quite blue a few days prior April 19th this year. I was not sure what I wanted to do on that day. I wanted to be happy and celebrate this special day, but I really wanted to do it with him, just like the past 9 years.

Life after loss ten years in America

Traditionally, my husband and I always go to a Mexican restaurant to celebrate. You may ask why a Mexican restaurant? Why not a Chinese or American restaurant? It has to go back 10 years ago on 4/19. After 30+ hours of flights from China, I was super tired, and maybe a little grumpy too.;) My man knew I would not like the American Chinese food and I was not a fan of any western food at that time either. He really wanted to find something that I could enjoy, so he came up with a great idea. He thought since Chinese and Mexicans both like rice, I must like Mexican food. 😉 By the way, in China, Mexican food is very rare and I only had Taco Bell before in Shanghai. I can honestly tell you, the dinner my first day was a disaster. It was so bad, in fact, I was worried that I may starve to death in this country. Anyway, we often laughed at that day and every year we eat Mexican food to celebrate my first day in America.

Life after loss ten years in America

This year the evening before 4/19, I was quite sad, but I didn’t want to cry because I was going to see Stacy London the next day. I really didn’t want big, puffy eyes for that important day. When I was working on my computer, suddenly my calendar popped up and said “Tomorrow Grace came to America for 10 years”. It was the reminder my man set on his phone and we shared our calendar. This finally triggered my tears. I cried for about an hour. I was so angry at whoever is responsible for taking my man away from me. Why me? Why him? Why us? I was also very sad because he would be so proud of me of for getting the chance to meet with Stacy London.

Life after loss ten years in America

I posted my 10 years anniversary on my social media early that morning on April 19th. I was surprised to see there were a lot of people telling me congrats. I was like, “what can I be congratulated about?” It was a very sad day for me because of my husband ‘s departure. Later that day, I finally realized, yes, it is a day that I need to celebrate, even without him. For an individual human being, I did achieve a lot in the last decade. I found my true love and got married, had my first house, learned English, learned how to drive, learned American culture, got my own family, got my teaching certificate, got a full time teaching job, became a blogger and a TV co-host… and although now my man passed away, I am still holding my head up high and chasing my fashion dream.

Life after loss ten years in America

My 10th anniversary of moving to America turned out to be one of the greatest days of my life. I hung out with Stacy London for the whole afternoon. You can read all the details here. I also met a new friend, Inez, who is a fellow blogger in Michigan and later we went to my favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner. We were talking about our lives and sipping margaritas. Life is still great!

10 years down, more great years to come!

Life after loss ten years in America

Photo credits: Ashley Buck.

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follower me on FaceBook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you, of course don’t forget to check out my Instagram story daily to know me better as a person. Finally don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

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Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

Life After Loss – It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

Life After Loss – It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

A few days ago when I was talking to a new friend about my Hawaii trip, she suddenly asked me “Were you scared of traveling alone?” I paused and answered “Of course I was.” I was surprised by the question. This conversation made me realize that I need to show you the whole story, the not just the brave and pretty parts.

Life After Loss It's Okay Not To Be Okay

I never intended to be brave, or to be an inspiration. Really, I would rather be someone who still has loving parents and a loving spouse, but it seems like I am out of luck in that department. Life just keeps testing me and I am just trying to survive. I’m often scared, sad, angry, confused and crying, just like everybody else who is going through the grieving process.

Life After Loss It's Okay Not To Be Okay

I purposely block out the last week of my husband’s life from my memory. It is just too painful to think about at this moment. Someday, I will revisit those dark days when I feel I am ready. I often cry and talk to my husband’s ashes. I lay my head on his ashes box and feel like that is his warm chest. I was crying 4 days in a row when I was cleaning up my husband’s car and traded it in. I even couldn’t help but cry at the dealership. I’m pretty sure I thoroughly scared the sales guy. 😉

Life After Loss It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Then the night before my Hawaii trip, I was crying for more than half an hour. I was scared about the trip because I have never traveled alone in this country by myself. I was also very sad that he always wanted to show me Hawaii, but now it is just me. Like you have read in my previous posts, I had a very tough first 3 days of this trip and of course I cried a lot again.

Life After Loss It's Okay Not To Be Okay

The day I was back home, I opened a package I received from my family. I was crying instantly again. It was an amazing painting of my man. The painting looks so real and his facial expression just so lively, it’s like he is there looking at me. I am crying even right now when I am typing this post.

Life After Loss It's Okay Not To Be Okay

I think you have seen millions of times I use “cry” in this post. Okay, a million might be an exaggeration, but it’s in here a lot. My point is, it is okay not to be okay for a while. It’s okay for a while that this is the new normal for me after my husband passed away. I am scared, I struggle, I cry quite often. I give myself permission to sometimes not be okay, or even cry in public if I need to. I don’t think crying is a sign of weakness, it is a way of surviving for me, just like you sweat when you’re running, I sometimes cry just to survive. I am crying because I need to let it all out and so I will have the ability to move forward.

Life After Loss It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Let’s use Jessie J’s song finish this post:

It’s okay not to be okay.
……
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising,
Just be true to who you are!

Life After Loss It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Love this cool sunglasses from Winkwood? I teamed up with them and now you can win your own for free here. It is a super easy giveaway and good luck!

Photo credits: Ashley Buck.

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follower me on FaceBook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you, of course don’t forget to check out my Instagram story daily to know me better as a person. Finally don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

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|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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