Tag Archives: Life after Loss

Life After Loss Opening Up To A New Chapter Of My Life

Life After Loss Opening Up To A New Chapter Of My Life

When two people really love each other, there will not be any topics that are not touchable. Before my late husband passed away, we had covered so many things that I needed his input and help with. One of them was about my love life in the future.

Life After Loss Open Up To A New Chapter Of My Life

I still remember that day. We came back from my late husband’s hospital and his doctor just gave us a new estimate for how many days of his life were left. It was just getting shorter and shorter after every chemo or radiation failed. We were holding hands and sitting in our usual spots on our conversation couch. I was crying and he was trying to calm me down. I don’t remember what exactly he said but he made me laugh with tears in my eyes. He always had the ability to make me laugh. I was looking at him and said “You are a jerk! Where can I find a great husband like you again?” He was smiling at me and said “You are right. You probably will not find a guy like me. But, you will find a different love.”

Life After Loss Open Up To A New Chapter Of My Life

Before my dad passed away many years ago, he told my mom “Don’t marry again because you are my woman.” Before my man passed away, he told me “I hope someone will love you as much as I did. You are the best wife and you deserve to be happy.” What a difference! It felt so good that my man gave me permission to enjoy my life even after he is gone.

Life After Loss Open Up To A New Chapter Of My Life

Although many people have asked me when I will start to date, I had never really thought about it until last month. Before our marriage, I had never went out with a man other than my husband in America. My man was the only American guy I have ever dated, so I have no clue about how to date in this country. In fact, I am very rusty about dating period. I talked to a few friends about it, but I quickly ran away from this topic because talking about it was already making me sad. I was crying and telling myself that I am very happy being single for now.

Life After Loss Open Up To A New Chapter Of My Life

After hiding in myself for a while, I realized that I do want to love and be loved again. The pure love and happy marriage I had with my man were just too good to give up. But the idea of dating is very scary. I have heard so many horrible stories about dating some weirdo or jerks from my single friends. On another hand, what if my family become upset and think I am dating too early?

Life After Loss Open Up To A New Chapter Of My Life

Luckily I received blessings from a few family members and a lot of support from my friends and even fans. It is totally out of my control when I can find or meet another true love, or soulmate, again. 3 years, 5 years, or maybe the rest of my life. But I am not going to settle until I find the right one. I waited for 30 years to meet my late husband, I am ok to wait again. Most people may believe the chance of finding a soulmate twice in a lifetime is almost zero. But I look at it this way – I have seen what true love looks like, so I am more experienced to find it/build it again. 😉 I am ready to open myself up to a new chapter of my life. It’s scary, but exciting at the same time. I will be very careful, but I know I may still get hurt until I find that one person that will never make me guess, doubt, be upset, or sad. Good luck for me and anyone out there who is re entering the dating world.

Life After Loss Open Up To A New Chapter Of My Life

You can read all Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here.

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Photo credit: Grace Liang/Ashley Buck

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you. Of course, don’t forget to check out my Instagram stories daily to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

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Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No More

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No More

The past Monday marked 8 months since my late husband passed away. I didn’t cry like the previous 7 months. I decided to just take it as a normal day. I have been under the weather for more than a week and that day I finally felt better, with more energy. That morning on the way to work, I suddenly felt happy because I realized that I may have just pushed through a big step of grieving, I started to feel acceptance.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

When we were dating many years ago, he was in America and I was in China. The longest time we didn’t physically see each other was 8 months. But we did see each other every day on SKYPE for many hours. We celebrated his birthday, 4th of July, Labor Day and Thanksgiving over the internet. Even with a 12 hour time difference between us, we would still eat together, the only difference was for me it was breakfast and for him it was dinner. These last 8 months have been more difficult than those 8 months. There is no hope that he is coming back and I can’t see him even on the internet. He is totally gone without a return date.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

Over the last 8 months, I have pushed myself outside of my comfort zone quite often in order to heal myself. First, I created a lot of new memories by traveling to Hawaii and Paris alone. There were not any romantic stories from those trips just in case you are wondering. 😉 I even made a few new friends after he passed away and it is new for me that they are just my friends, not our friends. Those experiences helped me rediscover myself and I realized that I am very capable of conquering the world and being happy again without him.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

By the 6 month mark, I stopped wearing my wedding ring. The obvious fact is I don’t have a husband and I am not married. It was a very weird feeling to be without the ring and even now I still sometimes reach to that finger. It was a big change at that time and I needed a piece of him to be with me, so I wore my engagement ring and his ring that I gave to him on both of my hands. Those two rings provided the safety net I needed at that time.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

Then by month 8, I decided to wear no rings because I realized that I should not hide behind those symbols. I am not married, not engaged, and I don’t need to wear them to show how much I miss him or how much I love him. He is there in my heart, and there will be a place for him forever that no one can replace. To be honest with you, it is kind of scary to be at the beginning again, but I know he is always there for me. If I am sad or scared I still can reach to him in my mind.

Life After Loss Hiding Behind the Rings No Mor

For me, the real acceptance is to not always look for him, lean on him mentally, and ask him to give me signs or come to my dreams. It means I need to count on myself to save my own day or make myself happy. Does it mean that I am ready to move on? I don’t think I am fully ready yet. I still think about him all the time. But I am finally eager to think about my own future. It is still not clear what I want, but it is a big jump that I started to plan my future without him. It will take a long time to come to complete acceptance and I am nowhere near there, but this status change forces myself to directly face this world, fail, cry and then really learn how to be independent again.

Life after loss feel loved

Just a side note, this Love bag in the photo above I got from Shopbop and now they are having a big sale. See the details below. Happy shopping!

You can read all Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here.

|SHOP MY LOOK:|

Photo credit: Grace Liang/Sam Sefton

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you. Of course, don’t forget to check out my Instagram stories daily to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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