Tag Archives: Life after Loss

Life After Loss – Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

Life After Loss – Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

Two weekends ago, when my step-daughter visited me, we were talking about our grieving process and we both couldn’t help but cry for a while. We were so tried and both mentioned we have started to feel depressed.

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

This grieving process is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. I thought since it has been 3 months that I should be doing better. But the fact is, this process is not a straight line. It is more like one step forward and then two steps backwards. I think the first 3 months I was in shock. Now the reality finally has set in and I started to accept my man is really gone, forever.

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

One day, I started to cry right after I stepped into my kitchen from the garage. I cried for a long time, used a whole box of tissue and talked to my husband’s ashes for more than an hour. I finally figured out why I was crying. I am doing way too much and I am just sooooo tired. I get up at 5:30 am everyday and then get home at about 5 or 6 pm from my teaching job. Then I spend every minute I can building my blogging career. My weekends are always over booked for photo shoots or fashion events. I also need to cook, clean, and do some yard work…I was already very tired when I had my husband to share the work. Now it is just me and I am trying to keep up the same standards. Maybe sometimes even higher standards. I know, I am too crazy and too hard on myself.

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

I noticed I’m constantly forgetting things and get distracted very easily. My energy level is quite low. I know I need to do something to save myself. The first thing I did is to educate myself by reading many articles online about the grieving process. Here are some things I have learned that have helped me get moving on the right track:

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

1. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried

It is easy to bury the pain or ignore it. But trying to ignore the pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. Talking about your feelings is part of the process of healing. I am lucky to have my family and friends to talk to. I also have my blog as my outlet for this purpose.

2. There is no need to fight everything and try to be brave.

Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or yourself by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them heal too. My family are not big fans of talking, I know I have to be the one starting the conversations and checking on everyone.

3. Give yourself time and space to grieve.

The grieving work takes a lot of out of the body and the mind. Cut down from your normal schedule and find some time to relax. I am trying very hard to balance my full time job, my blogging, and my grieving. I still can’t find as much time as I hoped to relax but I have learned to move some work into a later date. The world will not end if I don’t do something I planned to do. 😉

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

Life after loss Understanding the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

Photos credited: Ashley Buck.

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follower me on FaceBook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you, of course don’t forget to check out my Instagram story daily to know me better as a person. Finally don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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Life After Loss – Learning to Live Alone

Life After Loss – Learning to Live Alone

Before my husband passed away, I broke down many times because I highly doubted that I could live without him. He was my soul mate, my best friend and he was my everything, literally. He was my driver because driving makes me very nervous. He was my cook because with a full time job and almost full time blogging, I barely had time to eat. He was the bag carrier when I was shopping and he did the laundry, vacuumed the house, did the grocery shopping…He did just about everything so I could focus on my job and my dream.

Life after loss Learning to live alone

Yes, I was very lucky and I was so spoiled! But the result was I am almost handicapped when it comes to basic life skills. After my man passed away, I had to learn how to fill up my gas tank because he had always taken care of it. I learned how to order food and use a drive through. I even learned how to write a check. After two weeks of the recycling guys refusing to take mine, I learned how to properly break down boxes and separate the paper from the plastics.

Life after loss Learning to live alone

I know, it sounds ridiculous but it was the reality for me the last 3 months. I am a fast learner and now everything is under control. 🙂 I cook myself a very health breakfast every morning. I pack healthy snacks for myself everyday. I drive everywhere by myself with my GPS. I pay bills on time and have never run out of gas. 😉 I went to Hawaii by myself and now just booked a Paris trip. I learned how to deal with the pool repair people, the roof people, the lawn people, the plumber…I am pretty proud with the results of my bargaining skills. The roof people saw my shoe collection, so it made it pretty hard, but I won. 😉

Life after loss Learning to live alone

I am very lucky that my step-daughter and her fiancé visit me almost every weekend. They have done so much for me, everything from cooking delicious dinners, pulling the weeds in my stubborn backyard, taking my blog photos, proofreading my posts, driving me to some fashion events, to helping me understand financial or medical files. They even changed out my kitchen faucet (I discovered my step-daughter gets the same language as my husband when things don’t go right, it must run in the family 😉 )…But I know, they have their own life and I need to learn more how to handle everything by myself.

Life after loss Learning to live alone

All the physical things are easy to learn and to adapt to. The hardest part is the absence of my husbands love and his companionship. It took me a long time to get used to eating alone. I still hate it, but I am doing it. My husband and I used to talk a lot about everything. It seemed we always had so much to talk and giggle about. But now I don’t have him to share with my day and my feelings with. So I talk to family and friends more often. Sometimes I talk to myself too… hey, sometimes I just need an experts advice (or so my husband used to say) 😉 It is hard after a long working day walking in to an empty house (I am not ready for a pet yet. I know what you are thinking. My two granddogs visit every weekend though!) To fix this, the first thing I do when I’m home is turn on my music.

Life after loss Learning to live alone

Anyway, it is just the beginning for me learning to live alone. I know I still have a looooong way to go. One step at a time, that is all it takes. I started buying myself flowers. I also cooked more dinners for myself. I can’t wait to redecorate my house during my summer break to change things up a bit. I plan to host some dinner parties again this summer as well. This house used to be a fun house. I’m determined that this tradition will continue. 🙂

Life after loss Learning to live alone

Photos credited: Ashley Buck.

Thank you for reading, and if you like what you read, please comment below or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follower me on FaceBook and Twitter for new post updates, and follow me on Instagram for all the amazing fashion, beauty and life style products that I will share with you, of course don’t forget to check out my Instagram story daily to know me better as a person. Finally don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion, beauty and life style videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

http://colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/ brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

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