Life After Loss – The First Time Traveling Alone

My husband was the person who took care of everything when we traveled. My only job was to show up and be pretty. He used to encourage me to pack many outfits that could be used later for my blog. In his backpack, there would be snacks, drinks, makeup touchup essentials, a jacket, and a pair of flat shoes for me since he knew at some point I would have enough of the heals and I’m always cold. 😉

Life after loss the first time travel alone

This trip was a totally different story. The night before I left, I realized my LV or Chanel small cross body bags were not that practical. I went out bought myself my very first backpack. Since now it is me who has to carry everything, I packed really light and gave up on heels and fancy dresses.

Life after loss the first time travel alone

For me, the first goal of this trip was not losing my phone or wallet. The second was to not get sick or hurt and the last one was to enjoy myself. 😉 I know, my standards are pretty low. I was quite nervous about this trip since I was living in a bubble the last 10 years as a princess. Now, I feel like I am lacking a lot of life skills. I was crying the night before and really wished he was there with me for the trip.

Life after loss the first time travel alone

My first flight from Detroit to LA was late and sat on the runway for 45 minutes. I was told my second flight would wait for me. I ran from one terminal to another and when I finally got to the gate, it was closed. I was put on standby for 4 hours, where I literally stood by the flight podium for two hours, but still didn’t get on the flight. Later, I had to fly to Vegas and then finally to Honolulu. My 12 hour flight turned into a 40 hour nightmare. But, on day 2 when I finally stepped into my hotel room, I opened the window and saw the ocean view and instantly felt everything was worth it. 😉

Life after loss the first time travel alone

But it seemed like the bad luck was still with me on day 3. I booked the active volcano tour to the Big Island. I had to get up at 4am to catch my flight. I went downstairs to get myself a cup of coffee. I sat on the shuttle bus and took a sip, my belly instantly felt burning. When I looked down, my coffee had spilled and already spread all over my chest. GREAT! I never knew that I need to double check whether the cap was closed completely. It was always my husband who handed me drinks and he would make sure everything was ok. This was my once in a lifetime opportunity to take some great photos when I hop on my helicopter to see the volcanos and lava, and now my whole front was covered with coffee! I didn’t swear or get upset, I just told myself I needed to buy a t-shirt before I get into my chopper. Long story short, after many attempts, I finally got myself a tee and was ready to go up… then I was told the helicopter tour had to be cancelled due to the weather. What?!

Life after loss the first time travel alone

I went hiking in Volcano National Park with my tour group. I couldn’t help but search for my man. Although there was nothing that looked familiar other than the sky, I suddenly missed his warm and thick hands. He always held my hand wherever we went. We hiked together a few times and we always had so much to talk and laugh about. But now, it was just so quiet. At end of the day, we finally saw lava and a place where the lava went into the ocean. Standing on the cliff alone, facing the ocean I suddenly bursted into tears. “We made it honey” was all I could say in my head at that moment. On the way back to the airport, I sat alone and cried the whole way. Suddenly familiar music started to play, it was one of our favorite songs called ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ by Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole. I instantly smiled even with tears still in my eyes. I know it was my husband trying to comfort me.

Life after loss the first time travel alone

After the first 3 tough days, I decided I had enough and it was time for me to enjoy myself. I am on vacation, not in a prison, right? So I did my homework and found some great restaurants and more activities to do. I finally hopped on a chopper to see the whole island of Oahu. Although it was not the lava view I initially planned on, the experience was amazing. I also had my first snorkeling experience. After that, my real vacation started. I was surprised that I was still very happy eating dinner at a restaurant by myself. I initiated a lot of conversations with strangers and I was so grateful because I met so many great people on this trip.

Life after loss the first time travel alone

Life after loss the first time travel alone

Life after loss the first time travel alone

Now I am home safe with my phone and wallet. 😉 The most important outcome from this trip is I feel more confident. It was kind of like a test for myself. When I am at home, I’m comfortable and I don’t have a lot of difficult situations come up, but this trip showed me how things could go wrong. Lucky, I was able to manage everything and still enjoyed my time. Now, to plan my summer trip to Paris!;)

Life after loss the first time travel alone

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  1. Ada

    What a sweet post and reflections. I am glad you were able to travel alone and get some happy moments of sunshine after your huge loss. Incredible photos and outfits, darling. =)

    Hope you are able to linkup this Thursday with me darling lady.

    Happy Monday! <3 Ada.

  2. Shirley Maurer

    I am all for you, sweet girl. I am a grandmother who just turned 79. Please keep traveling and experiencing wonderful things in this beautiful world. Life is magical and rewarding in so many ways. It is such a blessing to live. You are brave and pretty in so many ways. 😊🌺

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