Life After Loss – Feeling Loved
A few weeks ago in the morning on the way to work, the car in front of me caught my attention. I couldn’t see who was in the passenger seat, but what I could see was the guy on the driver’s seat trying to adjust the sun visor of the passenger side to block the morning sun. He did it a few times and kept turning right to check if it needed more adjustment.
I was smiling and tearing up the same time. I smiled because I saw love, a lot of deep love in that small action. It shows how much he deeply cares about the person in the passenger seat. He wanted to make sure that person was comfortable and happy. It got me wondering, who was that lucky person. His wife? His kid? His parents? Or maybe his dog?
I was tearing up because my husband used to do this for me all the time. We took some long road trips almost every year. Somehow the car ride always made me sleepy. I usually kick the seat back and just take a nap. My man always switched the music to the spa channel to help me relax. He would also adjust the sun visor if the sun was on my eyes. Sometimes he even added on a map or newspaper to the sun visor to create a bigger shadow for me. Love is all in those little tiny details, right?
Yes, everyday I miss my man’s love terribly. This grieving journey has been very painful and difficult, but at the same time it is also enlightening. It made me look at the world with a little different point of view. For example, I started to notice there are more different types of love in my life now, and I still feel loved even without my husband.
You may have already read a lot about my awesome step-daughter and her fiancé in my previous posts. The departure of my husband didn’t cut off our connection, instead it strengthened our bonding as a family. Last weekend, they came in and put 4 yards of mulch in my yard again, even working through the rain. My school and my co-workers are super supportive too. I always feel safe and comfortable talking to anyone about work or personal problems. Some of them even became my photographer to help me with my blog photos.
Even my students adore me very much! Just like my man, my students think my Chinese accent is quite cute. 😉 They often trick me into saying words like ‘Vowel’ or ‘further.’ After I say those words, they will all say “It is so cute!” Lol. I guess when someone really loves you, even the flaws are cute. 😉 Most of my 8th graders refer me as their “School Mom”. Last Sunday I even went out with one of my former students for lunch. She is already in her 3rd year of collage and became a entrepreneur. She used to say I was her second mom too.
I also receive so many nice comments on my blog and social media posts everyday. I know everyone is super busy with their own life, but they make time to read my posts and also leave very long and thoughtful comments. That means so much to me. Especially those ‘Friends’ who I’ve never met before in real life and maybe we will never meet in this life time. But they are always there, for me.
It has been 4 months since my husband passed away. Every time when I feel lost, confused and don’t know how I can go through this, the unconditional love from all of the people in my life, remind me how lucky I am. Their love has always lifted me up! Thank you everyone! I am for sure feeling loved.
Photos credited: Ashley Buck.
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