Life After Loss Trying To Be Positive
Being positive became more difficult after I lost my man. Sometimes I do get angry and yell to the air “What the heck? What did I do wrong that caused me to be punished like this?”
Life is not always fair, totally. My mom never wanted me and it still hurts me today. Growing up struggling with food, clothes and shelter made me a person who never can relax because I don’t feel safe. My mom and dad had an arranged marriage, and they fought almost everyday. My dad beat my mom and my mom would run away, leaving my brother and I at home, cleaning up the broken dishes my dad threw and eating whatever food we could find. I hated my life and promised myself I would not live like that someday.
Life, to an extent, is also totally fair. For an adult, we live the life that is the result of many of the choices we have made. I moved to Shanghai to run away a year after I graduated. I was so poor at the beginning – no job, no family or friends, and no money. But 3 years later, I was a HR manager and finally settled in that big city. I made a lot of good friends and later I met my would be husband. Fast forward many years, I married to my true love and finally built the life that I had been dreaming of since I was very young – a loving family and many joyful happy moments.
In a lot of people’s mind, I am such a poor lady. After many years of struggle, I finally got 10 years of peaceful life. Now I’ve lost my husband. Some even show more pity because I don’t have my own kids. They often ask, what are you going to do now? Go back to China? My dear mom is always such a supportive person, “It doesn’t matter how much you try, it is your fate. Now you became a widow even younger than me. You should have just accepted your fate and married a local guy as I wanted many years ago, look what you have done to yourself.”
Everything has two sides. I learned I have to choose to see the positive side. Those very difficult early days of my life did not just make me feel unsafe for my entire life, but it also taught me to work hard to get the life I want. My ill-functioning family didn’t give me the love and support that every child deserved, but it made me treasure and appreciate kindness from anyone. Thus I made so many life-long friends and have a very fortunate relationship with my new family even after my late husband passed away. 10 years of normal and peaceful life is too short and yes, I deserve to have more, but it also showed me what true love looks like and it proved that even I, coming from the ill functioning family, can still have a happy and healthy life after all.
Nobody is born to be a positive or negative person. We train ourselves into who we are today. We are our choices. I choose to be positive and to be the best self that I can.
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Photo credit: Grace Liang/Katie Van Gorder
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