Life After Loss Fixing Mistakes and Adjusting Directions
A few weeks ago I opened the door for dating, but it didn’t go very smoothly. I have to admit there were a lot of emotional ups and downs because I am just not ready. My phone screen is still a photo of my late husband and I. I haven’t touched his closet at all. There is nothing that has changed in our house since he passed away. I thought I had been doing so well with grieving that I could push myself more quickly into the next stage. I now know the grieving step needs a much longer time to get out of. It is good to have boundaries and admit what I am able to do, and what I am not able to do.
I have experienced some horrible feelings in last few weeks about myself. I felt guilty for all the time I thought about dating and I felt ashamed. I also felt I was not good enough to get the life I want. I am very confused why it seemed so easy for my man to understand me, but in others eyes I am needy and dramatic. After I finally admitted that I am rushing myself again, I felt better. Yes, I made a mistake and I am going to fix it.
So I did a lot of self-reflection. The things I learned from my rushing into trying to date are very valuable for me. This mistake made me rediscover myself and realized that I am being too pushy, again. I also realized that there is no need to beat myself up because others behavior or opinions. Recently the song “According to You” came into my head quite often. It is a great song to teach us that, if he is Mr. Right, all your flaws would be cute little charms – just like how I felt when I was with my man. I felt I was just so perfect and wonderful.
If a man can’t make me feel at my best, that means we don’t have the same values and standards. He would not be the right one for me. It has nothing to do with who is right or who is wrong. I am very picky about love and that was why I waited 30 years to finally meet my late husband. So this time, I should not force it to happen either. If it naturally happens, I will just let it happen. If not, I have so many important things to focus on. Things like my blogging career, my fashion designer dreams, my fitness goals, and my plans to travel around the world.
After clearing my mind and picking myself up again, I am so much happier now because I can see what is more important to me at this point and what I need to do to make my dreams come true.
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Photo credit: Grace Liang/Ashley Buck
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