Yesterday was 11 years anniversary of me started my new life in America. I had been blue for about a week prior to yesterday. It wasn’t just because I came to the U.S.A to marry my late husband and now he has gone. But also there were some bad news from my family in China. One of my mom’s sister which we are very close to, is dying. She was crying everyday because she regret that she has not enjoyed life for a single day and now she has no days left. Then one of my dad’s sister just suddenly died in a traffic accident. We have seen each other quite often. She even named me. But for some reasons, she has always been that person who was not so worthy for others. There was no one really cared about her. What is the purpose of life? I couldn’t stop thinking the past week.
I knew I need to do something to make this special day not feeling so heavy, or painful anymore. I want to add some new hopeful meanings to this. But I didn’t know what, or how. The only thing I knew, was I need to go back to that bubbly myself somehow. Recently the way I cheer myself up, has been listening to random motivational videos on Youtube. A few mornings ago, I encountered one of Oprah’s old shows and she was talking about the book/Movie called The Secret. I couldn’t stop watching more and more about this topic on Youtube everyday. And finally on this very special day of my life, 4/19, the anniversary of me moving to America, I figured out what my life purpose is.
If you have read About Me, you probably already knew all of my struggles from my childhood. My late husband was the first person who ever said I AM BEAUTIFUL. His unconditional love had opened the door of empowering and helped me to see the real me, who is worthy, smart, hardworking, caring and BEAUTIFUL. But he didn’t complete me. The journey of grieving has completed me. I am at peace with myself, and with the world most of the time. But I still don’t know what my life purpose is about.
I don’t have a religion, but I consider myself is very spiritual. I have seen signs here and there in my life from the greater power above us, especially after my man passed away. But I still don’t know what he wants me to do and why he put me through all of these life crashes. Then yesterday morning, on this very special day, I got my answer. He put me through all the pain, because he wants me to understand other’s pain deeply. Just like the weird thing always happen to me when I am close to 911 site in NYC. I just couldn’t help tearing up. Now I know, he sent my late husband to my life, to let me experience what the unconditional love is, so I could learn and continue to give it to myself, and others.
Then he took him away from me. Because he wanted me to discover the greater love, the love to myself, to others without any condition. Now I finally understand my life purpose, it is to give, and to serve, by just being the real me and telling my stories.
Photo credit: Grace Liang/@sexytoalluring
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