A few nights ago, I was on my way home from an event. I followed my car’s GPS, but it was not updated so It didn’t know anything about the freeway closure. I ended up in Detroit, somewhere in the dark of night. It made me a little nervous to stop at a gas station and fire up my Google Maps app on my phone. Finally, I was on the right freeway.

Being The Best Of Me || Finding The Truth Of Loneliness

It was quite late, and I was very tired. Suddenly, I heard some huge engine roaring right behind me. Before I reacted, I saw the car near me almost tip over. It was trying to avoid getting hit by the Dodge Challenger between us. The Dodge Challenger just pushed that car to the side of the road and cut in front of me, then gone! I was like, “What the heck?!” Then a second Dodge Challenger did the same thing on my left, and a third came in front of me from my right. It was just like a car chasing scene in Hollywood movies. Luckily there were no car crashes.

Being The Best Of Me || Finding The Truth Of Loneliness

I suddenly wanted to tell this to someone, just like the day I almost drowned in my pool, or just like the day I signed the biggest contract with a sponsor. But, I don’t really have someone who I feel comfortable to text or call late at night. There was only one person that I know always loved to hear from me. No matter how late, no matter how busy he was, and what country he was in. That person was my late husband. At that moment, I felt lonely.

Being The Best Of Me || Finding The Truth Of Loneliness

Being alone is not the cause of loneliness. I remember being younger and feeling lonely in the most crowded places especially. I have felt total loneliness when in some not-so-good relationships, too. So feeling lonely has nothing to do with whether I’m with someone, or if I have a lot of friends. Feeling lonely is lacking connection. I really do see why a lot of men hire escorts simply for a dinner date or for the company. I’m sure they read an escort review first though. Most people think of their connection with loved ones. Like me now, with the lacking of connection with my late husband.

Being The Best Of Me || Finding The Truth Of Loneliness

But until recently, I figured out that the connection is not with someone or something. It’s with myself. When I hang out with someone who really understands me, adores me, and knows how to make me laugh, my level of loneliness totally reduced. But there is no one, not even my soul mate, who can cure it. If loneliness is depending on others, then I have a 50% chance of getting disappointed. Because I can’t control what others do. I can’t make him/her think just like me. When their values or behaviors aren’t aligned with mine, I’ll feel like I’m not being understood, cared for, or loved… so, I’ll feel lonely.

Being The Best Of Me || Finding The Truth Of Loneliness

The only one I can truly control is me. The truth of loneliness is the lacking of connection with myself, with my soul. I love learning about myself, discovering something new about myself, and sometimes I’m amazed by myself too. LOL, so I’m going to be my own best friend first and enjoy the inner conversation with myself. I’m not going to depend on others to love me, support me, or forgive me. Because someday when they stop, I’ll be sad and lonely. I’ll give myself unconditional love, treat every inhale as a new beginning and every exhale as letting go. Life can take everything from me, just like it took away my late husband. But, it can’t take my mind away. Change my mindset, change my life!

Being The Best Of Me || Finding The Truth Of Loneliness

You can read all the Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here and Being the Best of Me here.

Being The Best Of Me || Finding The Truth Of Loneliness

Photo credit: Grace Liang/@anstam

Thank you for reading! If you like what you read, please comment below, or share it with your friends. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for new updates. For all the amazing fashion/beauty and lifestyle products I share, also follow me on Instagram. Remember to check out my Instagram stories daily to know me better as a person. Finally, don’t forget to follow me on YouTube for my fashion/beauty and lifestyle videos. Have a great day and see you soon!

|TODAY’S LINKUP PARTY:|


Grace

colorandgrace.com occasionally receives vendor/brand sponsorships for mentioning their products and services.

(Visited 447 times, 1 visits today)

5 Comments

  1. Grace, your definition of loneliness is spot on. I just finished reading the book The Road Less Traveled. You might really enjoy it…it talks about our spiritual journeys to self-awareness and it kind of blew my mind! But one thing he says near the end of the book is that as we progress further and further along and get closer and closer to complete awareness, the tendency to feel lonely becomes greater and more frequent because not so many people make it that far on the journey. And you have progressed very far on that journey. Thank you for always being so open, honest, and real. And your dress is super adorable, too!

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

    1. Denise

      Shelbee, this is just where I’m at! So right now I’m struggling with dating, and if it doesn’t work out, then I’m lonely, even if a week before I was totally cool being on my1 own. Thanks for commenting, I’m getting this TODAY

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *