Today is the day I would love to skip or forget forever. Today is the day that my beloved husband passed away two years ago.
That day was the day my wonderful life completely shattered. I didn’t want to do anything but hide and cry to death. But I couldn’t. My man asked me to live, for him! Everything that felt important before felt meaningless without him. I could trade in my whole world to take him back! The only person I wanted was him!
I really had no idea how to live without him. The only thing I knew, as I had promised my man that I will take care of myself and our family. At that point, it was just one breath, one meal, one day at a time —surviving. That was the only way I knew how to honor his love.
Quickly I realized in order to survive, to not fall into the depression, I had to create my new memories to replace all our memories. So I went to travel around the world alone, trying many new things alone, making many new friends alone… I have cried so much, but I also smiled a lot simply because of the blue skies, beautiful flowers in my backyard, kind people I have encountered on the road and just still being alive. During the first year, I slowly noticed that I could be still happy again, even just by myself! Like a little kid learning to walk, I started to push my limit and trying to live for myself, not just for him. I had learned so much about myself in the second year and also gained so much confidence. The fact is, I am still very capable to chase my dream life alone, without him, or anyone else. Because I have found the most powerful love, self-love!
There are a lot of people have asked me, what is the motive to make me from survive to thrive over and over again. I didn’t know the answer until recently, and it is because I refuse to give up on living the best life that I can! Life can take everything away from me, but it can’t take the determination of being the best of myself. I have what it takes to create my desired life. Because I finally BELIEVE in myself! Believing in myself is a CHOICE. I am not the most gifted or talented person, but I chose to believe anything is possible. I study, practice, and work harder than the others. I take on my challenges, dig deep within myself to conquer fears. I am no longer sitting on the passenger seat and let my life dragging me around, and I am the driver of my own life now!
In this 3rd year, I am ready to pursuit my dream life full-speed! I may get knocked down again, but I will always get up and raise up even higher. All the hardships I have been through, from fighting with hunger, suffering through family abuse, domestic abuse to losing my late husband, had prepared ordinary people like me for an extraordinary destiny!
Today is the day that I say good-bye to my sorrow, and say hello to a wonderful new life again!
Photo credit: Grace Liang/@melita_moda_
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