This post is partnered with adidas, but all opinions are my own.
There are a few questions I have been constantly asked for the last two years. “Are you married?” “Do you have kids?” The obvious answer is “No, I am not married and I don’t have kids”. But the real answer is not that obvious. “I am a widow and I have two step-kids. They are adults and I also have two granddaughters” “Really?!” Lol, I know, my answer is quite long and it often leads to even more questions. I guess my life is quite complicated.
As their step-mom, I am the lucky one! All the love I have given to my step-kids, I have received a ton of love back from my step-daughter and her fiancé. I still struggle with my step-son even after twelve years. However, I know all I can do is just be myself and continue to be there for him. This is my twelfth year of living as an American and my step-daughter has celebrated eleven Mother’s Day with me. This will be the 3rd Mother’s Day after my late husband has passed away. I can always count on my step-daughter to visit me with gifts and cards, just like the past eleven years. I am lucky indeed!
I know Mother’s Day can be a tough day for (some) Step-moms. Especially the Step-moms who have wholeheartedly jumped in and provided a motherly role to their step kids – loving them like their own since day one. Many on this special day, often feel they are ignored or underappreciated. For some stepmothers, the idea of Mother’s Day strikes fear in their hearts. It can be a terrifying event because they know that there is a high likelihood that their feelings will be hurt. They feel powerless.
For this Mother’s Day, I have teamed up with adidas to share a very important message to empower women, especially those step-moms who feel frustrated and powerless during this holiday. The message is: true empowerment is not something someone can give to you, it is how you believe and empower yourself. It is all about what you speak into yourself and having positive self-talk.
Let’s go back to the day you fell in love with your husband, and the day you decided to spend your whole life with him. From that moment on, everything you do is to love him. Love his strength, his flaw, and his weird habit. You accepted the whole him, the good, the bad, and the kids! Because you love your man, you love his kids too! Do you expect his weird habits to celebrate your tolerance once a year? Or to have his strength to buy you a gift to say thank you for all the support? Lol! My point is, the love you gave to your step-kids is, in fact, the love that extends from loving your husband. So I have learned to not expect anything from my step-kids. If they love me back, that is a bonus! If not, I will still love them because of my late husband. Giving is receiving! I am grateful that I have the chance in this life time to connect with my step-kids!
In the future, I plan to marry again. Most likely I will be someone’s step-mom again! So it will take years to build another strong relationship with my future step-kids. They may accept me and love me as my step-daughter did, or they may not. But I know I have a good heart and I am doing my best to take care of my family. I am learning, trying, and making progress every day! Even if none of them acknowledge my love. As a motherly role on Mother’s Day, I choose to still be happy and keep giving my love. I don’t need gifts and cards on that day to know that I am a great mother. I am! I know I am valuable, even if they haven’t noticed yet. As they grow older, They will see glimpses of the ways my example has helped to shape their future.
All the step-moms, let’s replace doubt with a decision of giving unconditional love, handling anger with a loving attitude, fear with a focus on the future, and hesitation with hope! So we are going to celebrate this Mother’s Day in our own way. Let’s all acknowledge ourselves and reward ourselves with, or without our step-kids. Let’s at least do one thing that will make us appreciate our lives more! For me, I will dress up but wear my comfy Grand Court Sneakers to have a fun day in the city. Brunch with a girlfriend and shopping after sounds like a great idea for me! Lol! Are you ready to turn from being a victim to having a victory on this Mother’s Day?
Photo credit: Grace Liangfirstname.lastname@example.org
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