Gracefully Grieving

Gracefully Grieving: Changing Our Belief System

When and how did you choose your belief system?

Everyone has their own belief system that is based on many factors. But there is one thing these belief systems (how we see the world and ourselves) have in common: their ability to be changed either willingly or unwillingly.

In my last post, I explained how the stories we tell ourselves about losing a loved one can be the source of suffering. Today, I will go even deeper into helping you figure out why we even choose these stories and our blueprint in the first place.

I will use myself as an example.

Below is the timeline of my own journey detailing when and how I chose a new belief system for my life. I hope this will inspire you to sit down and evaluate your current belief system. Then decide if it’s time for you to adopt a brand new belief system that will now serve your life better.

1. Pre-2000 to age 26.

I was born into poverty in China where the culture believes females are useless. My parents had an arranged marriage and they fought; I mean physically fought with each other very often. Then my father died when I was in my high school. I had wanted to escape from my difficult family but ended up in a 5 year physically-abusive relationship. At the time, I saw life as a constant struggle and I saw myself as a victim of life. Life was so powerful and I was so powerless due to my poor family, childhood abuse, and abandonment. The best I thought I could do was just try to survive. I felt like I had no control over my life at all.

2. 2000 to 2007

I ran to Shanghai, away from my family and eventually left that abusive relationship. When I was in Shanghai by myself, I came to realize that all those people who used to hurt me were no longer in my life anymore! I was capable of creating my own identity and my own stories now so I started to try. But I often felt powerless and hopeless about life because it seemed like no matter how hard I work, there was always something invisible destroying my life. From age 26 to 33, I saw life as a confusing game and saw myself often being kicked out of that game because I didn’t know how to play it. I felt like I had maybe 10% control of my own life and that 10% was when I was lucky.

3. 2007 to 2017

I moved to America and married my late husband. His love started to heal me and opened the door to self-love. I started to believe thay maybe I was more lucky than I thought. Maybe I could do something better with my life. From age 33 to 43, I became a full-time teacher, a home owner and built a comfortable life with my late husband. I saw this life as a result of how I could make it and believed that hardwork was the key to success and I saw myself slowly gaining control of my own life. I had maybe 95% control over my own life now based on my own performance and hardwork.

4. 2017 to 2019

I lost my late husband and started a serious soul-searching journey. Losing him had pretty much wiped out all of the confidence I had built previously so I had to start from scratch. All the trainings and readings I did sped up this journey. From age 43 to 45, I saw life as a system of natural energy around me. Life was not good or bad, life simply existed. My mindset decided if I attracted good life energy or suffering life energy. I saw myself as the manipulator of life through this Law of Attraction game. I now have 100% control of my life.

5. 2019 to present

The biggest turning point in my life was that I fully accepted God into my life. Since then, I have been learning more everyday about the word of God. As a baby christian at age 46, I see life as a fascinating partnership with God. God and I are co-creating this magnificent life of mine to glorify him. I see myself as a beloved child of God, enjoying every day and appreciating his love. God is in control of guiding my life. I am in control by asking, listening to his guidance, trusting him, obeying him and allowing him to work through me. Life is about letting go of “me, me, me”, and welcoming the ease of trusting and loving God and others.

When and how did you choose your current belief system? Is there anything that doesn’t serve you anymore? Are you willing to choose a different belief system?

Thank you for reading! Don’t forget to follow me on my Facebook page Gracefully Grieving, Instagram and LinkedIn accounts for more practical tips on how to suffer less and heal faster! Would love to find out more about your own built-in healing powers? Opt-in to this free webinar to learn more.


Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional!

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Christ follower, wife, mom, and two time best selling author. Don't preach the message, become the message!

One Comment

  • Shelbee on the Edge

    Such a beautiful and inspiring post, Grace! I feel like we break away from our handed down beliefs consistently throughout our lives as our experiences shift our perspectives. What we believed in our 20’s may not work so well in our 40’s and so we naturally shift to some extent. There is also a part that is conscious effort to shift our perspectives. What we believe now may also be irrelevant in 20 years. I am all about the universe’s energy and doing my best to keep the good energy on my side. And I wake every day feeling grateful for all the wonders in my life. Thanks for sharing your inspiring journey!


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