Death is never an easy topic to discuss. Since my late husband had passed away, my major battle of going through this grieving process is trying to find out how death, or losing him can eventually make sense to me. In other words, I need to make peace with his death and totally accept it.
In the past two month, I had done a lot of soul searching by reading all kinds of articles, listening to speeches or watch short videos about human souls. To be honest with you, I had never given much thoughts to death and soul before my man died. But at this moment for me, after all the learning and thinking, death is not that mystery, or scary anymore. I view it would rather in a peaceful manner.
I believe soul is a form of pure energy, it will not die, neither disappears. It just transfers between in different forms. This human body we got is the vehicle of our soul for this life time. For this life time, it begins with birth and ends with death, but in a bigger picture, it is just like a perennial, comes back over and over. When I think about this way, it makes me feel better knowing my man was just left for a break and he will be back to continue his journey. But the sad part is, when he is back, it will be a different form, I am not sure if I can recognize him, or we will ever get a chance to encounter again. But overall, I am very grateful that I had shared this great true love with him and learned so much from him too. He was the most influential person in my life at this point. His physical body is gone, but his soul, partly living in mine. I used to call that thing he had as “Stupid Faith”. He always said “everything will work out.” I was like, “Did you see the situation? Are you being realistic?” But now, I inherited his Stupid Faith.
Then there was another question I need answer too. I had been through so much in my whole life to finally meet my soul-mate. We had 10 years of beautiful marriage and I finally know what the good life is. Then I lost him. What was this about? A punishment? An incident? A teaser? How can I not feel the anger and instead, find peace through this?? After months debate and searching, I think I found my answer. I met him and lost him, was a lesson. A lesson to let me experience what the unconditional love is, so I can continue to give it to myself and others. A lesson to open the door for me to empower myself, and others through my journey. A lesson to figure out my life purpose and push me stepping out of my comfort zone, taking risk and chasing my wild dreams.
Am I happy with this course design? Absolutely not! I would rather to learn those lessons through other life events. But I guess I don’t have the power to decide. The only power I have, is to decide how I THINK, or how I see it. I know I am not done with my grieving journey yet, but I can feel I have figured out some most important answers at this moment. I start to feel my heart is not that heavy anymore.
Photo credit: Grace Liang/@thepaperdresscode
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