This past April I started my soul searching journey. It all started me wanting some answers about why I lost my husband and what happens after a person passes away? I have been listening to spiritual and motivational Youtube videos every morning since then, and that is how I got familiar with Jack Canfield’s work.

I took his ten-day challenge online course and loved it so much, so I signed up for one day workshop in Denver. During this workshop last month, I also signed up for a one year program with him called Train the Trainer. I am so excited to learn more from him and give a more positive impact on the world.

So far I am reading his book called The Success Principles. I am still on the very beginning of the book, but since I have listened to his youtube channel for about a half year, I am quite familiar with the foundation. For me, the most important principle is Taking 100% Responsibility For Your Life.

Before reading this book, I was just like most of us, thinking that taking 100% responsibility for my life just means I need to say sorry if it is my fault. But this is only a small part of this principle. The basic idea is “There is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live, and that person is you!” It sounds simple, but it was hard to digest for me at the beginning.

I used to think I am insecure because of my damaged childhood and my abusive mom. But after I learned the E (Event)+R (Response)=O (Outcomes), my point of view has totally changed, and it brought so much peace to me. Based on this formula, my damaged childhood and my abusive mom are the life events, these are factors, and I can’t change it. Or I should say, as a five-year-old child, I was powerless to deal with those circumstances. But what outcome do I want as a 44-year-old woman? I want peace, I want to heal, and I want to feel secure and feel good about myself. How can I reach those outcomes? The event has already happened and it was just the way it was. Blaming the situation may make me feel better for a while but it will not heal me. So it all comes to my response. I choose to heal myself by seeing a psychologist, talking to wise friends, reading more related books and stopping my mom when she starts her abusive behaviors. After eight months of practice, my mom finally realized where I draw the line, and now we are getting pretty good together.

Most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life we don’t like. For example, the weather, the traffic, our parents, our boss… The truth is, I don’t have the power to change any of them. They are just how the world is working. The only power I have is to change how I respond. For my understanding, taking 100% Responsibility For Your Life doesn’t mean that it’s your fault that those unfortunate life events happen. For example, I lost my late husband about two years ago. I used to think what I have done wrong to get punished so badly? Now I understand that it is no one’s fault and only I can get my desired outcome from this heartbroken life event. What are my desired results? First, I just wanted to survive. Then I realized that I could treat it as a possibility to rediscover myself while I am not attached to anyone, not anyone’s wife, just me! Now when I look back, I don’t feel sorry for myself. Instead, I thank this horrible event opened this self-empowering door for me. I know I am on the raising path and I will continue to take 100% responsibility for my life by changing my response to create the life I have always dreamed of!

Share with us the latest event that you took 100% responsibility for your life! I would love to hear more from you!

You can read all the Life After Loss series here and Living with Cancer series here and Being the Best of Me here.

Photo credit: Grace Liang

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Grace

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