It has been more than two years that I lost my late husband who was also my best friend and my soul-mate.
I often joke about myself as the master of survivals. I have survived from hunger and poverty, from family abuse and domestic abuse, from losing my father and losing my late husband. Now I came to a conclusion that there is no situations that I can’t get out off and turned it around to a happy ending. All the suffers that I had been through have turned me into this strong and happy women today who has the laser focus on my dreams and to be the best of myself I can be.
In the last two years, I had done a lot of soul searching and self-growth works. I recognized my life purpose, quit my teaching job and full-time pursuing my blogging career, I wrote a book about how I raised from the darkest time of my life called “From Widow to Boss Lady—The Self-Empowering Journey” witch you will soon to be able to order on Amazon.com. Losing my true love put me into the deepest pain, but after 2 years, I have learned the greatest love, the unconditional love to myself!
What I have learned is I don’t need anyone to remind me how amazing I am when I was doubting myself, I acknowledge how much I have achieved. I don’t need anyone to take care of me, I know how to take very good care of myself so I eat healthy, sleep well and got my high school body back. I don’t need anyone to pay my bills or buy me luxury handbags, I am finically independent and don’t mind spoiling myself once in a while. I don’t feel lonely although I live alone, I really enjoy the time to spend on learning, reading, creating and helping others. The bottom line is, I don’t need anyone to complete me. I have completed myself!
I am really glad that I took the time to be with myself and learned about who I am before I re-entered the dating world. At this point of my life, I don’t need anyone to complete me, I am not emotional handicapped, I just want to find a kind soul who is loving life and thrive to be the best of himself to share this amazing life together. So I am very careful and picky about who I want in my life.
For the first time, I came up a list with 27 things about what my soul-mate looks like. Warm smile, nice gentleman and positive thinker made to the top 3. I told everyone that I was chatting on the dating APP that I will need at least 3 days of communication online to decide if I feel comfortable to exchange phone numbers and move to texting. There are still a few days before the phone call happens. If the phone call went well for a few days, then maybe the possibility to finally meet.
During this process, there are many men filtered out for many reasons. All the guys I have gone out with are all nice gentlemen who respected me and fit in with many of the items on my list. I told those gentlemen that I feel more comfortable to go out as friends first and see where it leads us. So the first few dates were always just like meeting a new friend without all of the dating pressure. I usually told them after 24 hours if I feel the chemistry. It was hard at first to just tell them that I don’t feel it, but they all appreciate my honesty.
Whether you’re seeking love for the first time or are starting again, over 40 dating can feel daunting. But with all the self-love I have learned, I know I am worthy and the right man would respect my feelings and are willing to communicate, to wait for a little bit longer. I am very glad that I have completed myself before seeking my new love, and holding the high standard about what I want. I have the confidence that I deserve the best love because I am enough! Sorry, no mediocre love for me!:)
Photo credit: Grace Liang/@melita_moda_
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