As a new year and new decade begins, many of us are excited for a fresh start. Part of this fresh start often includes updating our wardrobe with new clothes.
If you are currently at home, make a quick trip to your closet. If you are unable to go to your closet, you can just close your eyes and visualize the inside of it. As you look around in your closet, what are the three words you would use to describe it? For me, I consider my closet to be organized, colorful and trendy. For others though, they may look at their closet as being cluttered, cramped and outdated.
Everyone has different clothing needs and priorities. Some people work at home and lounge in yoga pants and t-shirts, while others need to wear a business suit five days a week to work. No matter what you wear, our wardrobe is an extension of ourselves. Your closet most certainly reflects your life which includes your personal style, financial budget, philosophy about clothes, and most importantly, the current point of view about your life and hints to where you may be stuck.
The abundance you have been searching for all your life is knocking on your door. Whether it is that great job you have been looking for, the wonderful man you have been hoping for, or the great health you have been asking for, all of these things are right outside your door but for some reason, they remain out of your reach. Why is that? The answer is your life is so full of things that you don’t really love, don’t need or want, but for whatever reason you choose to keep them in your life. The abundance you are longing for cannot enter because there is no room for it in your life.
With it being a new year and a new decade, it’s time for us to remove these things, these blocks, from our lives so we can make room for the abundance we are longing for. How exactly can we do this?
Let us start with your closet. Now walk into your closet again or close your eyes to do a visual tour. Do you currently have any clothes that you haven’t worn in the past three years? If so, how many pieces of clothing in your closet fit this category? If you haven’t worn these pieces in three years, why are they are still there? When you are answering these questions, pay attention to your emotions and your physical body. When you are thinking about a particular item that you haven’t worn in a while, how does it make you feel? Scan your body from head to toe and you will likely notice that something seems off when you look at this piece of clothing. It may come in the form of body tension, discomfort, heaviness, darkness, pain, anxiety or some other emotion that even though you can’t describe it, it feels wrong. You may not have known it, but these emotions are an indicator of how you are currently stuck in your life. If you feel like it’s difficult to part ways with a particular item, take a break and come back later to analyze why you are struggling to part ways with this item.
Why exactly do we keep clothes that we no longer wear anymore? The reasons go beyond fashion.
Reason 1: Grief
Ten years ago when I was a wardrobe consultant, my partner and I went to an older client’s house to help declutter and update her wardrobe. The client was in her 70s, single, and her husband had passed away a few years ago. I remember how we found bags of clothes that were more than 30 years old that didn’t fit her anymore. She had difficulty letting go of those old clothes, in particular a jacket. She had said that she had worn this jacket on a wonderful trip she had taken with her husband years before.
At that time, I didn’t really understand why she was holding onto all those old clothes. After I lost my own husband though, I totally got it. I started to clean up his closet about a year after he passed away and my goal had been to donate everything of his but I just couldn’t do it. It was too painful! I was crying for hours during this process and I ended up keeping one of his set of PJs, his eye glasses and a Chinese jacket that he had worn at our wedding.
Do you have clothing that holds found memories? If so, how many? It’s alright to keep a few things that remind you of a lost loved one. It becomes a problem though if you are having a difficult time parting with any of their clothes and/or if your closet is so full of these old memories that you have problems finding a piece of clothing that you want to wear. When these things occur, you may not realize that you are stuck, living in a past life that no longer exists. If this is the case, it might be the reason why you are unable to start a new relationship. You may think that there are no great guys out there but in reality you are still so focused on the past, you are unable to notice when an amazing guy comes into your life. Your heart has its own limits. At some point, you have to let go of the old in order for there to be room for the new.
You may understand this is the case but you are still having a hard time getting rid of these old things. Here are a few solutions:
1. Create a treasure box to store all the important pieces in. I know what you are thinking… it cannot be a whole closet, half a closet, a quarter of a closet or even a giant box. Your treasure box needs to be tiny. Letting go can be painful, but healing yourself is 100% your responsibility.
2. Ask your family, friends or professionals to get rid of the stuff for you if it’s too painful for you to do it right now. I will suggest though that you find some help in order to heal yourself. If you keep running away from the roots of your problems, you will never remove them and this will ultimately prevent you from creating a better life for yourself. So let’s plan on removing all these blocks that are preventing you from starting a new relationship.
Reason 2: Guilt
Now find another piece of clothing in your wardrobe, perhaps something that was a gift and that you feel guilty getting rid of it. Most of us have at least one or two things that will fall into this category. It’s important to remind yourself that whoever gave you that gift wanted to make you happy. You were given that gift, you appreciated it and thanked the giver and by doing all of this, you completed the whole cycle of gifting! What you do with the item now is up to you. If it no longer makes you look and feel great, it’s time to let it go.
Sometimes there is additional fear underneath the guilt you feel. You may be fearful that your friend will be upset with you if you get rid of the gifted item and that they ultimately will not like you anymore. You might also dread them asking you why you haven’t worn what they gifted you and you may be reluctant to tell them the truth. See this as your opportunity to grow out of the “people pleaser” box and learn how to say no. It’s important to say no to something in your closet that you didn’t really love in the first place!
Reason 3: Shame
Now let’s go back to your closet again. Do you have an item that you are saving for when you lose weight? It’s okay to have the goal of losing weight and to be able to fit back into a certain pair of jeans. However, if you do lose weight, chances are you’ll want to treat yourself to a new pair of jeans. More importantly though, I would argue that having a bunch of clothes in your closet that don’t fit you might make you depressed and be counterproductive to your weight loss goal. You are holding onto things based on the idea of hope. You hope to lose weight but when you struggle to do so, it’s hard not to feel like a failure every time you see these ill-fitting clothes in your closet. You may justify it by saying “that’s why I need to keep these clothes as reminder to myself” or to shame yourself into losing weight. It might sound like an ok plan but the truth is when you are feeling shamed, you become defeated and start to feel depressed. When you experience these negative feelings, you may end up eating more junk food than you should and may feel like binge watching Netflix on your couch all day long instead of going out and living your life.
Here is a solution to help motivate yourself without feeling shamed. Create a vision board that includes a picture of your ideal body size, place your face on that ideal body, then put pictures of your favorite dress, jeans or whatever other clothing you want to wear next to that picture with the size and date that you would love to achieve your weight loss goal.
Reason 4: Doubt and Worry
Do you have a piece of clothing in your closet that cost you an arm and a leg but unfortunately doesn’t fit you anymore? Due to the amount of money you spent, you are having a hard time letting go of it. Beneath all this is your limiting belief about money. This limiting belief could be “money is hard to earn.” or “money doesn’t grow on trees.” Yes, it is true that money does not literally grow on trees. However, whether you believe that you can earn money or you can’t earn money, what you truly believe will become your reality. Making money is not the hardest thing in life to do and can be quite simple to accomplish if you have the right attitude.
You can either choose to do something good with that item by giving it to someone who may enjoy it, selling it, or donating the item with the understanding that you can make more money to buy an even better item in the future or you can choose to keep it in your closet as a reminder of your bad decision, believing this the best you can do.
Do you see it now? Your closet truly is a reflection of your inner world. It shows the signs of your emotional wellness level and what you may need to work on in order to #getunstuck. By removing these blocks, you will create more room for abundance to enter your life.
Ok, enough of the serious talk, let’s focus on my outfit. Since I started my gym life two years ago, I have been wearing adidas non-stop. Now I even wear adidas at home just to chill or even to put together a cool trendy look when I am out and about. After cleaning up my wardrobe numerous times, my adidas clothing is still my go-to pieces for a sporty chic day. Now that is true love! Lol! You can find this top here and these leggings here.
If you still need help with finding the roots of your emotional blocks, visit my website at www.activateyourinnerpower.com to learn more, or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to book a private RIM session or to learn more about EFT Tapping and the Emotion Code.
Photo credit: @v.stoimirov // @colorandgrace
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